This one is about me....
So I thought Catholic guilt was the driving force behind the majority of lifes dilemmas .... Nope I have stumbled and dived head first into a new level of self depreciating, emotional, punishment - MUMMY GUILT.
Mummy guilt is an insidious condition that creeps up slowly then before you know it has replaced the warmth of a clingy child on the left side of my hip and is slowly wrapping tendrils around the inside of of your rib cage. It gets worse when you know you are running late 'cause you didn't walk fast enough to the car and arrive home with a small person fast asleep in bed. The guilt doesn't leave nor will a band aid help - (friends may suggest Valium - I'm pregnant)
Low and behold mummy guilt and small people know how to work together. A result of not returning home in time to feed bath and put the small person to bed lead to a gut wrenching no cuddles morning. Its taken nearly two hours and the cheeky smile is starting to reappear. In the mean time my stern mummy voice is quavering for fear of not being loved at all or prolonging the 'silent' treatment.
There are no prayers, no salvation through community only a small white pill that may provide half an hour of relief but no doubt followed by an increase in sinking feeling deep in the depths of the emotional centre.
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1 comment:
Ah Lolo...I can relate...there is no escaping from the Bad-Mummy-Fear. What I try and tell myself is that even though we are the whole universe to these babies, we can only be one person, with the requisite number of flaws and virtues that everyone gets.
So a mummy that can handle being on the floor playing 'put the block in the box' for three hours without wanting to kill herself is unlikely to be the same mummy that can discuss relationship fears and worries with her fourteen-year-old; and the one that never deviates from the routine of bath-and-bedtime won't be the one that spontaneously takes her child on a wonderful adventure that he'll always remember.
You are the only Mummy Cooper chose - and I think he found you because you are perfect for him.
Can't waut to see how perfect you aer for the next one too. xxrach
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